You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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