Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
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I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
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My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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