mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Randomize