i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
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I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
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He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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