literally had 100 drinks last night.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize