yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
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Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
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I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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