I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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