Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize