You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
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I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
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I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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