hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
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My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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