I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
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Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
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WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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