my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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