I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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