If i come over, it means nothing
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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