I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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