Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
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i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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