I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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