Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize