just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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