Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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