I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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