you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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