Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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