the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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