and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think people are normalizing furries
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize