i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize