Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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