Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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