ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
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so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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