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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
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I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
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I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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