my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize