What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize