i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize