Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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