So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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