we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize