thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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