i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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