I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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