I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
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its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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