and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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