is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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