I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
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We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
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Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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