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the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
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