I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
This is the high leading the old right now
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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