Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
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