My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
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Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
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I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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