At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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