I think I won the penis lottery.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize