these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize